The Year of Celebration

I have been in hiding. I spent years on this blog revealing my truth, but then I became trapped. I somehow began to believe that I couldn’t share my reality anymore and that belief imprisoned me. It imprisoned me at a time when my mind had become a madman and was living to torture me. Haunted by the continuous splatter of sounds that were crunched, smashed, thrown together and weaved with a poisonous thread; a ricochet of memories, feelings, thoughts and voices. A downright cacophony of crazy.  Photo: Nicola Muirhead So, I shared. Six weeks ago, I took to social media and finally expressed how the last 18 months of my life had truly been in a post called “The Street Fight”:  “It’s been several months since I’ve posted. In the mental health narrative, we love stories of rebirth, renewal and redemption. We watch the phoenix burn and we are inspired when we see that phoenix rise from the ashes, but we rarely bear witness to what happens in between. Brene Br...

There is so much being written about the refugee crisis. I specifically use the word "refugee" over "migrant" unlike many or our news publications. A migrant is someone who moves to a different part of the world to find work or better living conditions. A refugee moves out of fear for their human rights and safety, not for a better economic chance. Those fleeing from their lives are not doing so because they have a choice. They are doing so to live. I'm not sure how much I can add to the debate, but I can tell a personal story: In my first year of university I lived in halls of residence, a self-catered apartment with six rooms. Across from me was Adis Kulo. Adis had been a refugee from Sarajevo and arrived many years before I met him. He had fled Bosnia as a child, been separated from his mother and temporarily lived in France with a family of strangers. He was finally reunited with her in the UK, which the Adis Kulo Foundation website calls a " count...

I have gratitude today. I try to have it everyday, but let's be honest, it can be damn hard when you're in the throes of a major depression so sometimes I just forget. I find writing a gratitude list can help (to be fair I often count my blessings in my mind rather than a piece of paper, which might not be as effective, but it certainly still does something). Today I am thankful to and for Sarah Frick. Despite the fact that we have only met twice (through her lovely husband John who often comes down to Bermuda for deep sea fishing) and the wide expanse of the Atlantic Ocean separates us, I consider her a soul sister. The reason I do is because I have been deeply inspired by Sarah's faith, hope and 'grace' over the last couple of years. Sarah writes a blog called Love Letters to Grace, which began following the loss of her days-old daughter Clara Grace. Sarah has chronicled her life since that time in the most beautiful, devoted way, by sharing those feelings with ...

My christening 1984 "Please at all times be good to yourself. Life really is the better choice; meant to be enjoyed, not endured...."  "I just woke up at 4 am and felt the need to write this to you. I love you lots, and always will, whatever you do and whenever you do it. I want only the best for you and your sisters."  Those are quotes from emails my father wrote me. This week I have not been listening. I have not heeded his advice. I have not been good to myself. I have been isolating and for one 36 hour stretch I left the house only once. Today is March 4th 2014, which would have been my father's 64th birthday. As I've written before , my father's birthday was also his motto: March Forth. I have adopted it as my own. And yet, I haven't been marching anywhere this week. I have been stuck in the mud and I haven't even struggled to remove myself. I've allowed it to wash over me and pin me down. I've barely picked up the ...

Ahhhhh....sweet relief. After over a month of being bereft of technology, my precious laptop is back in my loving arms. I've been spending time organising files, reinstalling programs, belatedly responding to messages and generally arranging my life. I also received the video from BBC News 24 of my second appearance in January, so if you're interested take a look at the vid posted. It goes into more depth of the issues I've faced over the years.  As a result of sorting out my life, I've been very busy this week even though I'm unemployed. Unemployed and poor. I'm looking for part-time work to support me as I act and write, but unsurprisingly struggling, although I was offered an interview for a high-paying full-time gig this week. I toyed with the idea for a moment as the money was very tempting, but in the end I realised I don't want a mediocre, sell-out life. I want to do something I love (or at least like an awful lot) and I haven't been on a...

Sydney Harbour Snowboarding injury. My clumsiness hasn't changed. Today in 1889 female journalist Nelly Bly began her successful attempt to circumnavigate the globe in 80 days. She beat it by eight days and back in 2004 I beat it by ten days. To be fair technology in the 115 years between our voyages might  have made my trip a little bit easier. As per Instagram it seems that Thursdays are Throwback Thursdays these days. So as a result I visited my very first blog...my travelpod blog about my trip around the world. What a trip down memory lane! I suppose then I'll share some snaps. Between my London departure and return, my journey included surfing in Bali, museums in Melbourne, snowboarding in New Zealand (inevitable injury included), suffering from the flu in Sydney, beaching in Hawaii, loving Los Angeles, losing money in Las Vegas, locked in Alcatraz in San Francisco, mooching around Miami and burning around Bermuda on a moped. Beautiful memories were made. Celebrat...

Daniel Radcliffe in 'The Cripple of Inishmaan' In the last four weeks I've been blessed enough to see four plays. My mission took me from the Arcola Theatre Tent in Dalston to the very fringe Vogue Fabrics in Stoke Newington to the Orangery in Holland Park to the Noel Coward Theatre ( again ) in the West End. The first performance was put on by the Arts Council England-funded Generation Arts Future Stage Company. Generation Arts is a company which provides a training ground for young people who would otherwise not have such exposure to the arts. It works specifically with those in the margins of London who are not in education, employment or training and who are considered at risk. The Future Stage program allows such young people to form a theatre company for a year and put on a production, which I was fortunate enough to witness. I was immensely impressed by both the talent and the writing in 'Enough Said'. I usually don't like comedies, but I laughed...

Life is good. Really good. Celebrations are in order as I've officially gained representation with Crescent Management . I'm very excited to join this lovely agency with lovely people. When I went in to meet them I immediately felt at home and really adored all the members. So, hopefully, I'll start getting some work and keep moving forward. In other news, I just am elated at the moment. I'm remembering to take my meds and I've quit all my anti-anxieties and flushed them down the toilet. I realised that for nearly four years not a day went by that I wasn't completely present. I was unable to respect my feelings. No matter how I felt I wanted to change it. If I was up I'd take and drink whatever I could to make myself more up. If I was down I'd want to be in oblivion so I couldn't experience that. Now, I'm realising I'm human and that it's natural to encounter the ups and downs of everyday life and process them appropriately. Life h...

What a week of loveliness. London has been good to me thus far. Yes, there are ups and downs of moving countries, especially as I'm jobless and homeless, but London has so much going on that there are fantastic distractions. Those distractions this week were two amazing concerts. The first one on Tuesday was Langhorne Slim & The Law and The Lumineers at Brixton Academy. The second was The Avett Brothers at The Forum supported by Grace Potter and The Nocturnals. I had intended to review the first gig the day after, but I was up until 3am the night before and then life took over (coupled with a good amount of exhaustion) and I kept starting the post and failing to finish. So here we go: A phenomenal displ ay of musical genius. That's how I would describe Tuesday night. Those two class acts deserve nothing but praise. Before I continue I should admit, as a disclaimer on any grounds of bias, I do call Slim and David (his banjo and key...