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Showing posts from October, 2013

Waterfalls

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Check out my friends CAUGHT A GHOST's cover of TLC's 'Waterfalls'. I remember listening to the original version incessantly when I was 11 and how incredible the video looked at the time. Even at that age I was suffering from an internal malady that I didn't know how to explain. I was one of Left Eye's "folk who can't cope with such enduring pain, it keeps them in the pouring rain." That is no longer true for me, at least right now, but I know these things can only be dealt with a day at a time. Now all that remains is for me to go back in time and tell that 11-year-old me that it might take 18 years, but just hold on for awhile. Grip onto life so hard if you have to that even your knuckles turn white, because you only have one life. Act accordingly.   

It's Been A While

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My Dearest Year of Celebration,
I know. I know. I feel that I say this to you a lot. It's been a while. I shower you with promises that I'll write more. That I'll stop neglecting you. That I'll prioritise you and care for you. Is this an abusive relationship where I'm the abuser? I hope not. Because I do mean what I say, but as goes the old adage 'actions speak louder than words'. So today is a day of action. Hopefully the beginning of many more. 
Much has changed since we last connected. Those panics...well they've stopped. I don't mean slowed. I don't mean reduced. I mean stopped. I have lived with anxiety since I was about 21. I had always experienced depression from teenagedom, but the anxiety came later. It began to become unbearable in about 2008 and since then it's been a constant hum. It's always there, even if sometimes I don't really notice it. Like Bermuda tree-frogs at night. When you first come back to the island their …