The Year of Celebration

Ahhhhh....sweet relief. After over a month of being bereft of technology, my precious laptop is back in my loving arms. I've been spending time organising files, reinstalling programs, belatedly responding to messages and generally arranging my life. I also received the video from BBC News 24 of my second appearance in January, so if you're interested take a look at the vid posted. It goes into more depth of the issues I've faced over the years.  As a result of sorting out my life, I've been very busy this week even though I'm unemployed. Unemployed and poor. I'm looking for part-time work to support me as I act and write, but unsurprisingly struggling, although I was offered an interview for a high-paying full-time gig this week. I toyed with the idea for a moment as the money was very tempting, but in the end I realised I don't want a mediocre, sell-out life. I want to do something I love (or at least like an awful lot) and I haven't been on a...

This time I swear it's not my fault. The failure to blog. My laptop hard-drive has gone kaput and it's being replaced. Much has happened since I last blogged. Firstly, I'm back in London and settled into a new flat. It feels good to have a home again after being a couch-surfing nomad for a few months. Ah, the life of a struggling artiste! In news that's more exciting than my living situation, a couple of weeks ago I appeared on BBC Breakfast and BBC News 24 worldwide. It has always been my hope that by sharing my story I can help remove some of the stigma around mental illness and encourage others to seek help and speak out when they need help. As a result, I was asked by BBC to appear on their show after a study from The Royal College of  GPs revealed that GPs are struggling to diagnose and treat young people who are showing signs of depression. As someone who has been dealing with the NHS in regards to this since the age of 14 I had my own perspective to share.  ...

Christmas Day on Elbow Beach " Some things will never change. Some things will always be the same.... The glitter of sunlight on roughened water, the glory of the stars, the innocence of morning, the smell of the sea in harbors, the feathery blur and smoky buddings of young boughs, and something there that comes and goes and never can be captured, the thorn of spring, the sharp and tongueless cry - these things will always be the same. " Thomas Wolfe wrote these words in ' You Can't Go Home Again '. Well, apparently, I can go home and I have. It has been over a year since I travelled across the wide Sargasso Sea to this mid-Atlantic rock upon which I was born. The waters have changed as they are prone to do with the changing of the tides, the price of everything has increased and I have a new nephew who lights up my world. What hasn't changed is the familiarity of the faces that surround me, the slow pace of life, the inquisitive minds of the locals w...

This shocking and horrific story came to light yesterday across newspapers and television stations. It tells of a Bipolar woman who neglected to take her medication (as many Bipolars are prone to do - me included), had a panic attack, was restrained and then sectioned. As difficult as it was to read that someone was sectioned for a panic attack, what makes this situation far worse is that the woman in question was also heavily pregnant. She was sedated and social services obtained a high court order to proceed with a caesarean section at which point they took her baby from her and 18 months later refuse to give her daughter back and are attempting to put baby up for adoption. Their alleged position is that the mother may again forget her medication and end up in a similar situation. Now in what world is a panic attack cause for removing a child from their mother? In what world is it okay to prevent a mother access to her child because she has a mental illness of which she has no c...

Sydney Harbour Snowboarding injury. My clumsiness hasn't changed. Today in 1889 female journalist Nelly Bly began her successful attempt to circumnavigate the globe in 80 days. She beat it by eight days and back in 2004 I beat it by ten days. To be fair technology in the 115 years between our voyages might  have made my trip a little bit easier. As per Instagram it seems that Thursdays are Throwback Thursdays these days. So as a result I visited my very first blog...my travelpod blog about my trip around the world. What a trip down memory lane! I suppose then I'll share some snaps. Between my London departure and return, my journey included surfing in Bali, museums in Melbourne, snowboarding in New Zealand (inevitable injury included), suffering from the flu in Sydney, beaching in Hawaii, loving Los Angeles, losing money in Las Vegas, locked in Alcatraz in San Francisco, mooching around Miami and burning around Bermuda on a moped. Beautiful memories were made. Celebrat...

I don't know what's considered a milestone in the blogging world, but today I noticed I've had over 20,000 views of my blog, which seems pretty incredible to me. I've received nothing but support over these last two years of chronicling my journey on this path called life and I have you readers to thank for that. As an homage to posts past I'm going to revert back to the old format. Music. Fact. Quote. All related to numbers.  Music: Rent My favourite musical is Rent. I remember seeing it when I was 14 in London and again when I was 22 in New York and of course the film came out between those times. I've never been big on musicals, but Rent revolutionised them for me. I realised that my love for music and theatre could actually be combined into something that wasn't trite or cheesy and could carry a profound message. I went to Liberty Theatre in Bermuda and watched the movie Philadelphia with my dad when I was nine years old. I remember it so clearly ...

Check out my friends CAUGHT A GHOST 's cover of TLC's 'Waterfalls'. I remember listening to the original version incessantly when I was 11 and how incredible the video looked at the time. Even at that age I was suffering from an internal malady that I didn't know how to explain. I was one of Left Eye's "folk who can't cope with such enduring pain, it keeps them in the pouring rain." That is no longer true for me, at least right now, but I know these things can only be dealt with a day at a time. Now all that remains is for me to go back in time and tell that 11-year-old me that it might take 18 years, but just hold on for awhile. Grip onto life so hard if you have to that even your knuckles turn white, because you only have one life. Act accordingly.   

My Dearest Year of Celebration, I know. I know. I feel that I say this to you a lot. It's been a while. I shower you with promises that I'll write more. That I'll stop neglecting you. That I'll prioritise you and care for you. Is this an abusive relationship where I'm the abuser? I hope not. Because I do mean what I say, but as goes the old adage 'actions speak louder than words'. So today is a day of action. Hopefully the beginning of many more.  Much has changed since we last connected. Those panics...well they've stopped. I don't mean slowed. I don't mean reduced. I mean stopped . I have lived with anxiety since I was about 21. I had always experienced depression from teenagedom, but the anxiety came later. It began to become unbearable in about 2008 and since then it's been a constant hum. It's always there, even if sometimes I don't really notice it. Like Bermuda tree-frogs at night. When you first come back to the isla...

YOC, I've been neglecting you. Well, really, I've been neglecting myself. The truth is I've been so caught up with what's in my head I haven't been able to focus on anything else. You see, dear reader, my head is haunting me. I am crippled by anxiety attacks and I don't know the cause. I've always suffered from anxiety, but in the last two months the panic attacks have increased astronomically. It starts as a feeling of bad butterflies in my stomach, becoming a pain in my chest, until my throat feels filled with a thick substance. This, in turn, makes me feel unable to breathe and I begin to hyperventilate. The tears then flow. This can happen anywhere, at any time, on the tube, at work, in my bed, in my kitchen, at a concert, at dinner....there's no telling where. But when I say they're crippling, I say that because they're crippling my life. For months I've been hiding in the bathroom at work as they hit, with my knuckles turning white...

Daniel Radcliffe in 'The Cripple of Inishmaan' In the last four weeks I've been blessed enough to see four plays. My mission took me from the Arcola Theatre Tent in Dalston to the very fringe Vogue Fabrics in Stoke Newington to the Orangery in Holland Park to the Noel Coward Theatre ( again ) in the West End. The first performance was put on by the Arts Council England-funded Generation Arts Future Stage Company. Generation Arts is a company which provides a training ground for young people who would otherwise not have such exposure to the arts. It works specifically with those in the margins of London who are not in education, employment or training and who are considered at risk. The Future Stage program allows such young people to form a theatre company for a year and put on a production, which I was fortunate enough to witness. I was immensely impressed by both the talent and the writing in 'Enough Said'. I usually don't like comedies, but I laughed...